April 22nd
This will be short.
Last night I became Papa Miky’s student, or apprentice. He prefers “student,” I think because it’s less formal. I’d been thinking about it for quite some time, particularly in the last few days, as I mentioned previously. But I needed some days to process it, to evaluate whether or not I could really make the commitment. Finally, I realized that I could say without equivocation or doubt that this is the most important work I’ve ever done in my life.
Since I was a child, I’ve searched (with various degrees of success) for truth, for God. I wouldn’t have guessed that I’d find it in the Peruvian jungle. But maybe I should’ve. Of course, it’s not the place, and it’s not the people. As I wrote previously, I’m realizing that the truth, the presence of God, is within, and no matter how long you run, and no matter where you may travel, it’s only when you look inside, without reservation, no matter the ugliness, that you’ll get closer to the goal. So maybe in some sense it’s not even Ayahuasca. She’s just got the key that fits the lock.
So what does this mean? Well, if I said I knew what to expect, I’d be lying. I’ve got a general idea. It will require a lot of work, an overwhelming amount of learning (and patience, I know), over a period of at least 10 years. I’ll be 40 before this part of my path is completed. It feels a long way off. And it’s never really finished.
Miky has said, many times, that you can’t rush this process. This morning we were talking about the work, and he repeated that the key to all of this is concentration. But he stated also that this is not an active concentration of the mind – rather, it’s a concentration of the soul. This ties into the idea of the observer in eastern meditation. You cannot control your thoughts, but you can recognize that your thoughts aren’t you. You quietly watch as one idea after another enters and passes through. This watcher is the real you, the part removed from the drudgery of mundane existence, and all of the peaks and valleys associated with it.
This connects to a lesson that’s been impressed upon me repeatedly during ceremonies: BE HERE, NOW. The present moment, which may well be beyond cerebral comprehension, as it’s a point of synthesis, beyond the duality of past and future. I need this in ceremony, and I need it in my daily life.
I’m very much looking forward to tonight’s ceremony. I’m going to make an effort to concentrate. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Last night I drank Chiricsanango for the second and final time in this dieta. I know I dreamt, but I can’t remember much of anything about the dreams. I think they were kind of rapid fire, one after another without ceasing. Papa Miky gave me a larger dose this time, and my extremities were almost completely numb, along with my face and lips. Two doses is all that is necessary to accept the spirit of Chiricsanango into your body, and now, according to Miky, I will eventually experience that spirit in ceremony, though that may not happen for some time.
One last thing. When I asked Miky to teach me, and he agreed, we talked for a while. We were sitting in the hammocks discussing what I might be able to generally expect.
He laughed and said “You’re fucked now!”
I said “Yeah, I hope so.”
stranger 